now i know why i became what i already was.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
