Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
