she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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