he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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