i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
