If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize