Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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