happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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