i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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