I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!