i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.