I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels