you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.