we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?