i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.