The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight