so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
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Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.