hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.