in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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