I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
