I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
