walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize