mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips