Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i have herpe
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.