I'm lost and stupid without you.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.