every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
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a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"