I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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