my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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