I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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whose parrot is this?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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