Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
