I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize