we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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