How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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