I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.