After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize