i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize