Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
