Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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