Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?