I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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