i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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