Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
