I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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