Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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