He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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