why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im six kinds of drunk right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
