Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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