Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
