Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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