About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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