That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
