Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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