i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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