Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Randomize
Follow @tfln