we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"