She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.