I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
