everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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