can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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