Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
