I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.