I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
