yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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